As many of you know I love making t-shirts. Well, I’ve finally gotten around to submitting one of my designs as a t-shirt on Threadless.com, please check it out and vote!
http://www.threadless.com/submission/405904/No_Possible_Soloution
So, it’s been a while… a long while. But to be honest I didn’t want to spent the last year writing about being pregnant or having a baby (which I was and later I did). I wanted this blog to be about my art work, and the thought process behind it. But, here we are, a year later, with a napping baby and I am just getting back to the blog.
It used to be very easy to find time to make new work. Basically any free time I had, or days off work were guaranteed studio days. But these days, it’s so hard to motivate myself to get down there and paint or print. My latest painting sat on my drafting table, half finished, for two weeks before I finally kicked myself in the butt and finished it. Granted I am working on the SGCI Traveling Exhibition as well as taking care of the baby, but that is no excuse for leaving things half finished. Is it?
There is a new anxiety hovering around me as I work on new work. It’s almost as if my studio time has become so limited that I’m afraid of making any mistakes because it would be a waste of what little studio time I have. It’s totally silly, I know, but there it is. On the good side of this new strange anxiety-issue is the feeling of extreme accomplishment when I do finish a new piece and it’s good. Who knows.
Maybe what it comes down to is practice. I’m out of practice in the studio. Being so gigantic and pregnant for most of the summer, then having a new-born needing feeding every 1-2hrs made it so difficult to get into the studio that I’ve lost touch with how to work down there. It’s almost like going back to school after a very long un-productive summer. There are math problems you’ve forgotten and words you can’t spell, but given enough time you’ll remember.
I’ll remember how to work in the studio, I’m sure of it. In the mean time, maybe I’ll give it a good clean.
Most of the people who know me well, know that I often start very large projects with nothing more than an idea and ambition. I enthusiastically start something, like building a pond, by digging a giant hole then realizing I have no idea how much pond liner I need, or how to install an electrical outlet to power the pump. These things almost never occur to me in the “planning” stages of my projects, but come to light shortly after I’ve spent just enough time to feel like I can’t quit now. So I go on a quest to a friend who has done large screen prints, for my MFA installation; or to my husband and his excellent math and electrical skills. Most of my friends will say that I never ask for help, but a few will say that I almost never ask for help, unless it’s something huge.
And huge is how I’d describe my current project. I’m not asking for help, but rather, sharing my working process as I try to complete this big project on my own.
This project is a portfolio exchange for the 2011 SGC International conference in St. Louis, MO. Curated by Ben Love. The theme calls for non-traditional methods of making prints. Size 22×28 inches it’s the largest edition I’ve worked on since undergrad.
The first is a screenprint of the outline, then copper leafing the paper in the areas that represent red.
The next step is silver leafing the areas representing white.
(I must apologize for the photographs, it’s very difficult to photograph gilding on paper)
Currently I’m well into the gold leafing of areas representing blue. Then there is still the bronze stick and rendering of the shadows. I’ve been gilding for… maybe more than a month in my free time and wondering why I did this to myself. But here I am, deadline is December, so it’ll definitely be finished, but I wonder if I’ll ever use my gilding skills again, and ensuring that next time I’ll ask for help.
So here I am, a long ways into my Americana project and I have not spent a great deal of time thinking about it. Or more accurately writing about it, since that is how I gather my ideas into something more cohesive than what’s generally running through my head. Let me start in the beginning…
In the beginning there was Mo. Mo is my friend, a very talented artist whose subject matter and my own have grown closer as we’ve become better friends. In the early days of our friendship she expressed a fondness for the frozen confection “Bomb Pops.” As a tribute to her I made the print called “Some Assembly Required” which is a disassembled Bomb Pop laid out as if it’s arriving from the manufacturer and the buyer must assemble it before consumption. Mostly meant to be funny, this print was a critique of pack-flat consumer objects are shipped to the buyer who then has to assemble the object before it is functional. Only in this case it would probably melt before being fully assembled or at the very least it would make the hands of whomever is assembling it very sticky. Meant to parallel the frustration of having to unpack and assemble pack-flat consumer items, “Some Assembly Required” proved very popular and it seemed to me that most people understood its message.
After the completion and popularity of that painting, which was later made into a print (hand colored lithograph), I was talking with my husband (the source of some of my best criticism) who suggested that maybe the popularity of “Some Assembly Required” and other prints/paintings from that series was mostly based on peoples’ familiarity with the subject matter. This, I have to say, hurt a little, but after the sting wore off I began thinking that maybe he was right, and that didn’t have to be a bad thing. I then started compiling a list of familiar objects that I felt could be used to highlight the American desire to consume at ever cheaper prices. In making this list I realized that many of the things I was thinking about were objects that also reflected Our national identity and pride. Objects like flags especially dollar store flags, “USA” parafernalia and red white and blue candies.
I began deconstructing these objects like I had been doing as part of the mistake series. I quickly realized that I didn’t want to break these objects down, but rather I wanted to keep them whole to showcase them as documentation of actual consumer items. I wanted to show them in an environment without context where their form and design would paired with a title would communicate my message. I began thinking about the value of these objects, not just the dollar value but the implied value; the value of these items as representations of Our national identity, the value we place on the ideals and core beliefs of our nation, the value we place on the lives of those men and women who fight and die for those ideals and beliefs, the value of production, and the value of consumption.
So rather than modify these objects I began painting them as still lifes, allowing my criticism to exist in the paintings’/prints’ titles. One object represented in one painting/print, challenging myself to reproduce these objects as authentically as possible.
So here I am, several years since my conversation with Mo about the Bomb Pop. I’ve accumulated an abundance of still life material that I never would have purchased if not for this project. I have a back log of that material and an abundance of ideas for more paintings/prints. I’ve started including the actual objects into some of my newest paintings and I’ve even experimented with a technique I never though I’d use… gilding! I feel satisfied that I can continue with this series for months or even years to come hopefully building enough show quality work for a solo exhibition, and I’m still thinking about America.
Time away from my normal life, my home and my family always makes me reanalyze my priorities. Maybe I grow lax in my lifestyle without any interruptions, definitely. This weekend I flew to Savannah, GA for the summer board meeting of SGC International. This spring I was appointed to the board at the recommendation of my ‘print dad’ David Jones. While I suspect this was another occurence of the people in my life thinking I am more qualified for a job that I really am , I took the appointment regardless, functioning under my belief that if I continue to take jobs I feel under-qualified for, one day I will wake up and realize that somewhere along the lines I have gained the qualifications for that job and I do it well. That has definitely happened with my current job, but that is another story. The point I was heading towards is that I have been in Savannah for the past 3 days and it was an expected but never the less jarring break from my normal routine.
Upon my arrival in Savannah I was almost immediately inundated with board related activities, dinner and drinks. While members of other boards and professional organizations might blanch at our choice of opening activity, I should take this moment to point out that the SGC International is officially an educational non-profit, but unofficially a social/professional networking organization. We headed to dinner and began the important business of guiding the direction of the SGC International.
The meeting raged, well maybe smoldered, from 9am to 7pm the next day. Several important issues lay heavily in the hands of the board. Much was discussed, some was decided and action items were assigned. We headed to dinner and drinks again, before our final meeting Sunday morning where we concluded our business for the weekend. While our president was wrapping up a discussion broke out amongst myself and the other board members. In the course of the discussion we went from residencies, Nigerian scams, new jobs, old jobs, and dream jobs, to printmaking techniques, our skill sets and preferred methods of print. I began to feel out of place somewhere between dream jobs and printmaking techniques, as I realized that in the last year I have painted more than printed, but being that it is the Southern GRAPHICS Council International, not the Southern Printmaking Council International, this has never made me feel uncomfortable.
So after much deliberation and private thought here I am, exactly 12 hours post conversation and still on my way home post-meeting, finally figuring out why that conversation made me feel out of place. And I have it, I don’t feel like less of a printmaker because I paint, I feel like less of a printmaker because I want to print more, but I just don’t. So while I have been try to spend more time in my studio lately, perhaps what I really need to do is spend more time in my studio AND more time in the print shop. I think it’s time to start a series of lithographs. Who’s with me?
People who have help positions on boards, or jobs in public fields will often tell you about the politic-ing that goes on, the trying to give least offense, back peddling, and out right apologizing. I used to think that was silly, but I have learned the error of my ways through my ways through mistakes and offenses.
When I began my affiliation with the SGC International I was a student. I attended conferences and participated in the portfolio exchange. I was happy to be a part of the organization and I wanted to become as involved as possible. Shortly after graduate school I got my wish and helped plan the Chicago conference. In my capacity as a conference planner I was allowed to make decisions without worry of offense because decisions that might have offended were never left to me, although I didn’t realize this at the time.
Immediately after the Chicago conference I was nominated for the board of the SGC International. I was excited, honored and pretty jazzed about helping the organization become bigger and better! Of course I accepted the nomination, never thinking about the politics or the high profile nature of my position.
So, here I am, less than 6 months into my position as Vice President of Internal Affairs for the SGC International and I have already stepped on toes. In a blog I wrote over a year ago, I made offhand reference to the quality of the prints submitted to the portfolio exchange. This was inapproperiate and unfair. I am constantly telling visitors to the museum that just because they do not like or understand a piece of artwork it is not bad or have lesser value than pieces they like. But in my blog I did just that, placing higher value on prints that appealed to my artistic preferences. It was unfair of me to judge the work of the portfolio participants in this way, and extremely unprofessional of me in my capacity as a board member to voice my unfair judgments on the interwebs.
I apologize to anyone who I offended with my thoughtless statement. Knowing now that the members of the SGC International are the heart, sole, and body of the organization I will do my best to never offend you again.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m stuck, today is definitely one of those days. Or rather it’s been going on for several weeks. I haven’t been accepted into many exhibitions so far this year, because it was a rough/busy winter and I just didn’t apply to that many exhibitions, so now I am feeling the backlash. It’s tough because the I’m exhibited, the less I want to try. A vicious downward cycle, I know. So what can I do about it?
Well, mostly I try to keep making more work. Today I found several exhibitions I plan on entering. I will finally get my act together and send out solo exhibit packets, and small group show packets that I’ve been meaning to send out for MONTHS. But I feel like that is not enough. I think it’s time to start schmoozing, meeting and greeting, and of course the shameless self promotion. Maybe I’ll revamp my website, to shake things up a little, but that will probably have to wait until after my amazing webmaster’s wedding.
What’s weird, is that I’m already feeling better. Hm, lets hope the feeling sticks around for a while. 
Tonight I attended the April (National Poetry Month) poetry reading at the Coffee Grounds in Terre Haute, Indiana. I was feeling very inspired as I sat there listening to the vocal equivalent of what I do visually. I had all these ideas of what I would write here as soon as I got home. But as it so happens I got home and there was a husband and a Netflix disk waiting for me and now here I am 45mins later and I have nothing productive to write.
Ok, that is not entirely untrue, the thing about the whole evening that is standing out in my mind is the Jones Soda. I have not had a Jones soda in almost ten years. Not since my coffee shop days of high school and I have to say… oh how I’ve missed it. Ok, nothing productive to write. I apologize and I’ll try again tomorrow.
“Someday they’ll realize I don’t know what I’m doing.” and “Fake it til you make it.” have been mantras I adopted from friends during my years in school. Both helped deal with the insecurities of trying to make it as an artist and a professional. Both mantras helped motivate me to go along, even thought I didn’t fully understand what I was doing, but hoping that I would learn something in the process. And through these two mantras I have successfully completed school, gotten a job and started a career.
I didn’t know it was happening until it was over, but somewhere along the line I have stopped using both of these mantras. Not because they are not helpful or effective or anything like that, but I just don’t need them anymore.
I work everyday at one aspect of my life or another, trying to better myself, do the best job I can while leaving my mark and encouraging those around me to do better. I have continued my education through classes and reading, I keep up to date on as much of everything as I can… and somehow … here I am. For the first time in my life I feel … established.
This week I was voted onto the board of the Southern Graphics Council International, something I’ve been working toward for a couple years. It is an organization I love, whose sole mission is to promote and encourage the graphic arts including printmaking and drawing. And I am super happy to be involved. But it’s not just that I got onto the board, it’s the position. I am now the Vice President of Internal Affairs. Wow, right?
So this new position puts me in charge of our two traveling exhibitions, and the planning of our next traveling exhibition. Who would have thought.. nine years ago as I headed off to college that I would be here today. I have been told that I can make anything happen if I want it bad enough and work hard enough, but now I feel that is true. So besides being happy and wanting to tell everyone about this new position and my mantras of how I got there I really want to say that age is not an issue, training or lack there of can be overcome, it’s not always about who you know, but that doesn’t hurt, ‘making it’ is really all about how hard you work. And if you work hard towards your goals, you’ll get there sooner than you think.
This blog is a two part celebration. Of what, you ask? Firstly I have been blogging for about a year and I think that merits celebration. Not because I have managed to write something every week or so, but because you read it. Seriously, I am surprised every time someone refers to the blog in casual conversation. I know, I don’t post much about my day to day artistic ideas, but more the day to day of making said art and living as a working artist. And it, seems like, some of you find it interesting. So thank you readers, thank you for putting up with my weird ambiguous rants, my half ass attempts at grammar and most of all thank you for reading. It makes me feel… special.
Part two of this celebration is the modification of my work/screenprint table into a work/screenprint /flat storage table. It has been sorely needed for quite some time. For the first two years out of grad school I was storing all of my work in portfolios, then last year I built a few boxes for storage. But now, Jonah and I have collected quite a few prints by other artists, so many in fact, that we can not hang them all at one time in our house. So we needed flat storage.
I will be buying some solander boxes for these shelves (to store the work of other artists), as well as enclosing the front with plastic, but you get the idea. Now I am ready for the 300 or so prints that will be coming home with me post Southern Graphics Conference next week. Oh I didn’t tell you, apparently I can’t get enough of the Southern Graphics Council International (new name as of March 2010). Last year I helped organize the 2009 SGC conference in Chicago. This year I am organizing the membership exchange portfolio for the conference in Philadelphia as well as being voted onto the board as Vice President of Internal Affairs.